Well. This is it. My stomach is in knots as I write these first few sentences. Everything I know and love is about to change forever. No matter where you’re going: college, the military, trade school, the work force, a gap year, etc.– it’s all about to change for us seniors. The stability high school has brought us is coming to a close.

I don’t really know how to cope with the feeling that I’m losing everything. I don’t even know if there’s a right way to deal with this sort of thing. And honestly, that’s okay. Thousands upon thousands of people go through this every year, and somehow, they always make it to the other side. I’ve watched all my older friends and cousins go through the transition from high school to college, and they’re all perfectly happy with how things went.

But now that I’m the one standing in these shoes, it’s just…different. A feeling I could never be ready for. I think the best solution to dealing with all the change is to just cherish these last moments. Prom, graduation, the summer it’ll all be gone before we know it. Personally, I’m just going to live in the moment. There isn’t any sense in worrying about the future because if all we think about is what’s to come, what’s happening right now will pass us by.

Writing these pieces for the newspaper this year, I’ve gotten the opportunity to reflect upon my senior year. With this being my final piece, I feel like I’ve come full circle. In my first piece, I talked about how I wasn’t ready to let go of what I have in my life now. In my second piece, I had made my decision about college but was still feeling unsure about my future. My third piece was about my excitement for the next chapter.

And now? This fourth piece feels like it’s dragging me right back to where I started with my writing: longing for more time here– in Brewster, in high school, with my family and friends. The lives we carry out now are all we’ve ever known, and I’m not ready to let go.

I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to let go.

And I know everything must come to an end. But as much as I can accept that, I just keep crying. Looking at my cats knowing I won’t be able to wake up and hold them in the morning. Getting into the car to drive to my last home game for softball.

And it’s not something to hide, being upset about leaving. To be honest, I’ve already sat crying to my parents about how I can’t do this. I know I’ll be fine, but thinking about how I’ll be out of the house in a few short months is daunting. Crying doesn’t mean I haven’t accepted the inevitability of the situation: I am leaving for college and there is nothing that will change that. But the tears, the longing to stay, that’s all a part of this process.

My final thought is this: live in the moment. Please, I’m begging you, live in the moment. I know school might seem like the most important thing in the world, and I’m not saying it’s not important. But school isn’t everything. I know it’s cliché, but we’ll never be this young again. So treasure it, because before you know it, it’ll be gone.