Hello! I’m Charlie, and I’m reviewing the Billboard Top 10 of the week. I’m not giving each of the rankings a number grade because this is my opinion. There is no true opinion when it comes to music, and this is all subjective. Feel free to agree, disagree, or say whatever you want; it’s your prerogative. Don’t listen to an idiot high schooler if you don’t want to. However, these are my thoughts and opinions for the week of January 13, 2024.
To preface before I start, though, we’re in a big drought content-wise. The same artists are dominating the top 10, and there really isn’t a lot of new music from the last review. I’m going by a general rule of thumb to not do songs that everyone has heard a year ago (looking at you, Miley Cyrus). So, I will not be doing repeats. If you’re curious as to what my previous reviews were, either go back and read or don’t. Live your life; I don’t care.
1) Lovin’ on Me (Jack Harlow) – Good God, this is not deserving of the number one spot. Objectively, Jack hasn’t employed any new flows, any new forms of songwriting, or anything new for a couple of years. It’s corny, and he feels like an industry plant the way he’s number one with no talent. There is a line about how he keeps it short, like Lord Farquaad, the dude from Shrek, which was tough to get through. All of Jack Harlow’s songs sound the same to me, and this doesn’t help his case. However, the chorus is decent (at best) enough to get its views on TikTok, which I will be harping on many times throughout these reviews. This song blew up on TikTok and got people to suddenly care about Jack Harlow again, which got him his paycheck. These TikTok viral songs should not be going number one or even sniffing the top 10, and the fact that THIS song is up here is reasoning as to why the industry should not be planting these people.
2) Greedy (Tate McRae) – Writing this review at 11 p.m. at night, I was falling asleep listening to what I thought was ambient noise. However, I had realized that I was still reviewing, and this song was playing. Yet again, a boring, commercial, mall pop song. Also off of TikTok. There’s a trend here that I’m not happy with, and the TikTok Mall Pop song is not a good start to this list either.
3) Water (Tyla) – “Oh boy, another song off of TikTok! I wonder what my opinion of this song is. I don’t like it. It’s boring, it’s not lyrically innovative, and it lives for the 15-second revenue. It’s a genuine problem that artists will only be speaking on their tracks, singing the chorus, and pretty much only putting in effort to get in your mind. Some of the best songs in recent memory don’t really do that, and it shows. When people work on the entire song, it is good. This is a half-baked song made for only a few clicks.
4) Agora Hills (Doja Cat) – Compared to the last Doja Cat song I reviewed, I kind of like this one. It’s the same as what she’s done before, sure, but it sounds good. It’s catchy, it’s simple, and I like it. However, all I think about when writing this song is Stewie Griffin dancing to it, which is, yet again, another problem from TikTok coming to this.
5) Lose Control (Teddy Swims) – Thankfully, I had never heard of this song before I wrote this review, and I was pleasantly surprised. I don’t know about this artist or about this song, and I was shocked to hear emotion in a song in the top 10. Shocking, I’m aware. I enjoyed this song—not enough to actually listen to it again, not enough to make it one of my favorites, but enough that I could walk away happy after I had listened to it. It’s slow, somewhat emotional, and overall a decent song.
6) Is It Over Now? (Taylor Swift) – I’m convinced of something. If Taylor Swift fans were tasked with going back in time to find out who the Zodiac Killer was and finding him with the promise of Eras Tour tickets, it would be done in less than 24 hours. I’ll give credit where credit is due. Taylor Swift has a very successful fanbase and has successfully cashed in on them. Why do you ask? Because this sounds like a Taylor Swift song from 2014. And, looking at what it was supposed to be on her 2014 album, suffice to say, I was surprised because I thought I had heard this song before. Which I didn’t, but I was more surprised I hadn’t heard this before. It sounds a lot like what she’s made around that time; it sounds ok, but I’m sure I would’ve been foaming at the mouth more if I had attended her concerts, paid attention to her, or been the NFL’s social media intern.
7) Rich Baby Daddy (Drake ft. Sexyy Red and SZA) – I guess Drake’s alter ego, Anita Max Wynn, wrote this song because Drake sounded half asleep while recording it. I’m pretty confused about what he’s doing at this point, because he doesn’t even sound like he wants to be here for this song. The features, yet again, do all the work, making this song catchy. Is Drake supposed to be a gangster? Is Drake supposed to be a soft man? Is he a Barstool Sports member now since he’s taken up gambling sports and streams? God, I am so confused by him at this point.
8) FTCU (Nicki Minaj) – For what it is, it’s not bad. I doubted that it was a second coming in song form, and I was right to think that. I fear to say that Nicki Minaj will never reach how popular she used to be, but this song is a step in the right direction. It’s catchy, it does what it needs to do, and it’s nothing more than it needs to be. She could use a little more of her old enthusiasm to sing it back, but oh well. It’s pretty good.
9) White Horse (Chris Stapleton) – Oh, my god. Is it a Western accent singing a country song instead of a Southern accent? Groundbreaking. The song is okay. It’s different enough that I can recognize it, but new country is never really my thing.
10) Stick Season (Noah Kahan) – Is this a breakup song with a douchey guitar? Yes. Will general audiences buy this song? Yes. Do I like this? No. This is such an obvious industry plant, and I am angry that they keep making these stupid songs. I’m not saying don’t be sad; far from that. If you’re sad, make good music about being sad. Don’t make bad music about being sad.
My Top 3 Songs of the Date
Moon River (Frank Ocean) – I have always enjoyed Frank Ocean, and I didn’t know what he would do with a classic like Moon River. Unsurprisingly, I loved his arrangement of it. He combined his awkward, higher-pitched voice with his real voice, and it sounded perfect. I couldn’t think of a better song to put on this list.
Circles (Mac Miller) – This album is very sentimental to me, and Circles has helped to kick off any type of struggle in my life. It has been a song that is always with me, and I always feel comforted by it. I know my words aren’t representative of this song, but it’s one of my favorites, especially around this time.
Zero (The Smashing Pumpkins) – I love this era of songs. Mid-to-late 90s grunge is something I put on a fair amount, and this song is perfect. It is exactly what I look for in that genre, and I love it. Great vocals, great stuff all around.