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Ask Suzanne: Jealousy, Animosity, and Tenacity

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Ask Suzanne: Jealousy, Animosity, and Tenacity

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Dear readers,

ASK SUZANNE is an advice column to advise people as to how best deal with their concerns and issues.  I try my best to ensure that you will make the best decisions to move forward in positive ways.  I hope you will write to me, in confidence, seeking my guidance.  Just a reminder, I will not disclose any information other than the letters sent to me.  What you write will always remain anonymous.  I encourage you to be creative with your usernames and send feedback so that this column will be successful in helping those who seek advice.  Thank you! I look forward to reading your letters.
Sincerely,

Suzanne 🙂

 

Dear Suzanne,

I have always been the best student in my classes because I always get the highest grades.  But there is a new girl in one of my classes who sits right in front of me and has been doing better than me on most of our quizzes and tests.  I am trying even harder to improve my grades – I stay after school with my teacher and stay up very late studying.  But, even with all of that, this girl manages to do better than I do.  And the worst part is, I know that she hardly tries in the class.  She is on her phone, listening to music or drawing on her paper.  It isn’t fair.  So, last week when she went to the bathroom, I took her binder so that she would get a zero for the homework.  The teacher is still trying to figure out who took her binder.  If I confess then I will most likely get detention and lose the respect of my teacher.  But I am feeling guilty.  What should I do?
From, Flippy-Fingers983

Dear Flippy-Fingers983,

I understand that it is hard to have someone achieve higher grades than you, especially when you try consistently harder and she apparently doesn’t try at all.  But we all have to remember that other people help us to become better.  Ask yourself, if that girl didn’t come into your class, would you be trying this hard to get better grades?  Taking her binder was not the right thing to do.  Instead, you could’ve tried to become friends with her and learn what her study habits are – then you have made a friend and grown to be the best you can be.  You don’t have to be the best at everything, but you still have to try your best.  And if you are trying the best you can and doing everything in your power to succeed, then sooner or later you will be rewarded for that in some least expected way.  I guarantee it.  I think you should explain what happened to your teacher.  There might be a chance that she will understand why you took your classmate’s binder.  In life, we have to accept the consequences of our choices and our actions.   I hope this experience will help you to make better decisions in the future.  And remember, it is better to do the right thing and be punished than to do the wrong thing and live with a guilty conscience.
~ Suzanne 🙂

 

Dear Suzanne,

Every day I pass the same girl in the hallway on the way to my class.  She is a normal height, skinny, blonde, smart, and really nice.  But, for some reason I just don’t like her.  She is always talking to her friends so she hasn’t noticed that whenever I pass her I give her a death stare.  Then, a few months ago she got switched into my science class and was put right next to me.  At first I thought, “Yay! Now you can see me glaring at you up close!”  Once she started talking to me,  I went from really not liking her to hating her.  And to make things worse, our teacher has paired us together for a project that counts as half of our final grade.  I can barely sit next to her in class, how am I supposed to do this project?  HELP ME!!!!!!!
Bye,Vengeance-Is-The-Best-Answer1

Dear Vengeance-Is-The-Best-Answer1,

“Two things prevent us from happiness: living in the past and observing others.” This quote has helped me when I am feeling jealous of someone, because it reminds me that the more I compare my life to others, the more I lose the happiness I already have in my life.  I think you are looking at this situation with the wrong perspective.  When you see this girl, you see someone whom you admire and want to become more like.  If you take a moment to look at the people around you, you might see someone who is looking at you in the same wrong way you are looking at the girl in your science class.  Sometimes in life we focus exclusively on the things that are happening in our lives.  We don’t notice what other people are going through and what might be causing those “death stares.”  There might be someone who is the perfect picture of happiness, but behind that perfection, they might be facing a life-altering situation.  My advice to you is to get to know this girl.  As uncomfortable as this might be, some find their closest friends in the most unlikely places.  I don’t know if you have ever heard the saying, “Fake it till you make it,” but what I take from this is, pretend you like doing something and maybe somewhere along the way you will start to love it.  The same thing applies here, you could pretend to like this girl and maybe you will find things in common with her along the way.  I really hope this helped!
~ Suzanne 🙂

 

Hey Suzanne,

My life is great!  I have the best friends, I have a loving family, I’m a three sport athlete, I have a great girlfriend and I get good grades.  But, for some reason, people have begun to think that I have a big ego. I mean it’s not my fault that I’m better than most of them at basically EVERYTHING.  How can I prove to them that what happens is not really my fault – I am just naturally good at whatever I try to do.  Thanks!
#BetterthanEVERYONECooldude212

Dear Cooldude212,

It is great to look at yourself in the best way possible.  Many people find it difficult to have the confidence that you have.  But if you have too much confidence, people will be put off by you and start to associate you with being self-centered.  In order to be the best person you can be, you need to learn to put yourself in other people’s shoes.  See yourself as others might be seeing you.  Imagine how you might feel if someone was bragging about how they hardly have to try and they naturally succeed all the time.  Imagine a friend being unable to relate to your struggle or concern because they never experienced struggle.  Personally, I wouldn’t be able to build a relationship with that person…nor would I want to.  If you want to prove something, you can prove that other people matter to you. As a very wise person told me, before you speak T.H.I.N.K.:  T: Is it True? H: Is it Helpful? I: Is it Inspiring? N: Is it Necessary? K: Is it Kind? I believe if you use this mnemonic device before you speak to your friends, parents, or teachers,  you will give them a big surprise: you will give of yourself.  Always remember to T.H.I.N.K!
~ Suzanne 🙂

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